indulgence

i take back a quarter of what i said in my previous post about how loud (good) music does everything for me. ok, maybe slightly more than a quarter. why? the michael veerapan trio is why. maybe some of you have heard of lewis pragasam, founder of asia beat. superb drummer of the trio. a while back, zailan razak used to be their bassist, but they have 'fly' now, zailans student. to just sit and listen to the jazz trio's one night performance at no black tie was amazingly superb. no chatter required, no booze needed.. just to be immensely drowned in the stories they told with their instruments was enough to retain me with 100 days of happiness. it was watching the smiles on their faces while they were playing that made me realize that this is the world i want to be in. watching fly play the double bass was amazing, he was doing just the exact opposite of what performers are usually told to do. he wasnt looking at the crowd, neither was he trying to gain just the slightest bit of attention from anybody. he was staring at absolutely nothing, cocking his head from side to side .. eyes not closed like those who pretend to be 'feeling' the music when they shut their eyes, in fact they were wide open. he was just looking up, smiling as though there was zilch matters one ought to think about, fingers moving swiftly to lewis's beats n michael's keys. it was amusing to watch. in august he'll be playing with farid ali or better known as mr.gambus at the mont kiara jazz festival. be sure to check it out

it is during moments like these that i wish i could actually live up to the advise i usually give to other people: fuck reality, just go live your dreams. i wish i could. if i didnt care about living up to the expections of the people i love most, i wouldnt have any qualms about droping everything now and just pack up my whole life and store it in the wonderful world of jazz. kudos to those who already have. how i would love to be under the lights in a simple cocktail dress singing like billy holiday or ella fitzgerald. moving with my hand still on the mic stand as the beat starts to pick up, as the bass starts to play its solo or as the pianist starts banging some nonsensical sounding tune.

as for now, i am quite content with studying law. i will get my degree and meet the expectations that i have somehow or other actually set for myself. in the course of my 3 months break, soraya will do something about her dreams. this might just be her lucky break after which she would store it in a pretty box until she can open the box and keep the contents by her side forever

my time will come

in the mean time, its time to hit the books... again